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- Most people think humans are smarter than horses, which proves they're not.
- All dogs bite. All horses kick. All guns are always loaded. Don't ask me again.
- Truth and a firearm are more effective than truth alone.
- If you have one person you call friend, you're lucky.
If you have two people you call friend, you're blessed.
If you have three people you call friend, you're kidding yourself.
- You're playing cards with somebody and you find out he's cheating. If you keep playing, you're an idiot.
- Any man who dies sober, with money in the bank and with an erection is a complete failure.
- If you have a real beef with somebody you can either forget about it or kill him.
If you can't forget about it, then kill him. If you can't kill him, then forget about it.
- In any situation you can either get into it or get out of it. If you can't get out of it, you might as well get into it.
If you can't get into it, you better get out of it.
- Any fight you can walk away from, walk away. If you have to run, run.
Provided you have someplace to run to, and you're not leaving behind somebody who can't run with you.
- There are three kinds of risks. Some risks are unavoidable. Some risks are acceptable.
Some risks are just plain stupid. The trick is knowing which is which.
- You can muscle a horse around as long as he doesn't find out he's a lot stronger than you are. Same thing is true between a politician and the people.
- Polls and statistics are like guns; you always have to assume they're loaded.
- Riding a horse is kind of like having sex; it can be real embarrassing if you fall off.
- Impeaching George W. Bush for illegal wire-tapping is like booking Jack the Ripper for littering.
- It's possible that George W. Bush has not been completely honest with the American people. It's also possible that the Titanic was not completely unsinkable.
- I understand that Mr. Alito wasn't George Bush's first choice for the Supreme Court.
Ted Bundy was no longer available.
- Any man who has ever truly loved any woman cannot help being a feminist.
- Love is like horse-keeping; you have to deal with a certain amount of manure just to sustain the relationship.
- It's completely unfair to compare George W. Bush to Adolf Hitler.
Hitler served in combat.
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